Jim Jamesson

Alright I have been meaning to tell the planet about this for some time now. In fact I built this whole site because I wanted to brag about how frickin’ awesome McDonalds cups are, especially compared to Burger King or Taco Bell.

Benefits of McDonalds styrofoam cups

• McDonalds cups keep your drink colder FAR BEYOND any of the others. Look, there is a reason styrofoam coolers are styrofoam coolers. Coolers are not made out of toilet-paper ass thin plastic. Whoever high up at McDonalds who decided, “we are going with styrofoam cups” should deserve a round of applause.
• McDonalds styrofoam cups feel more secure in car cup holders. Seriously. I have access to two separate vehicles in which I interchangably drive to retrieve our fast food dinner. McDonalds cups just fit better in both vehicles. When you take hard ass turns when you are racing home to eat, Taco Bell and Burger King cups tend to shift around, creating a danger (reduced confidence) to the driver.
• McDonalds cups are louder in your cup holder. Again, it’s all about driver confidence. The styrofoam inherently causes numerous ‘squeaks’ as normal road bumps shift and toss your car chassis about. With McDonalds cups, you already know that the styrofoam is going to squeak-like it or not. This squeaking drowns out ‘ice rattle’, which helps you to focus better on the road. Focusing on the road allows you to successfully achieve your goal: GET HOME AND EAT YOUR FAST FOOD RIGHT NOW.

Cons and pitfalls of McDonalds styrofoam cups

• McDonalds styrofoam cups, in the past, have notoriously had lid malfunctions. While this is not a consequence of the materials so much, rather, the underlying problem is with the person that fills your drink and puts on the lid. If a McBartender does not use the recommended torque placing the plastic lid onto the now-filled styrofoam cup, bad things can happen. Nobody likes the dreaded “I picked my drink up and halfway to my mouth all I remember was holding the lid and now the drink is in my fucking lap” scenario to unfold. The McDonalds drink machine operator MUST TAKE CARE in correctly affixing the lid to the cup.  Now, the real shitty part with this, is that you inherently run a 70-80% risk of the drink machine operator screwing this up.
• Styrofoam cups are easy to puncture. Take for example, a recent trip up the Blue Ridge Parkway. Before I could go on my drive though, I had to stop off and pick me up a McDonalds Unsweet Tea for the road. Road trip beverages need the absolute best possible cup to retain their cool temperature the longest. Anyways, I pay the drive thru, get my unsweet tea, and off I go. 10 minutes later, I pick my drink up, shockingly with nothing but ice in it. I thought “what the fuck, did I already drink it all?” and then I thought, “maybe I should take a leak if I already drank it that fast” and then the tragedy unfolded. There was a screw sticking up in my cup holder. Simply the act of me placing my cup into my cup holder was enough to cause the screw to puncture the bottom of my cup. That sucked bad.
• Styrofoam is bad for the environment. Not that I am so concerned honestly, but if I didn’t mention this, one of my green-friendly friends might kick the shit out of me.