Why Native Americans did not invent the Indian alarm clock
Surely to god some smart ass has told you “don’t forget to set your Indian Alarm Clock!” Well, for those of you that have never heard this phrase, it’s time to bust out that learning cap. Setting an Indian alarm clock is easy. You drink a lot of water right before you go to bed, and you wake up naturally because you have to piss your brains out come morning time.
Now, I’m not expert on Native American history, but I’m pretty well sure that the Indians didn’t start this. If you look at the history of Native Americans, you’ll probably see that they were a fantastic people who reached a natural equilibrium with their environment. These people had it figured out folks. They lived great lives, farmed, raised healthy children, and had incredibly strong work ethic and family morals. These were a people that knew not only how to survive, but how to thrive. Well, at least until the greedy, selfish and disease-bringing fucking white people came into town.
These people knew exactly what it took to live. I guarantee you they did not need to drink water at night in order to wake up on time in the morning. I believe they naturally knew what time to wake up and when to go to bed. I doubt they went around telling each other to set their alarm clocks.
And I think its safe to assume that human beings have had to wake up pissing bad long before the Indians or anyone else. In fact, I don’t even know if you have to drink lots of water… doesn’t everyone generally wake up having to take a leak?
So the next time someone asks me to set my Indian alarm clock, I’m pretty sure I’ll tell them to go fuck themselves.
Damn right!
I’d never heard of that bullshit term, and I’ll bet I’ll start hearing all the time, now.
Indian alarm clock… what are you kidding? Having to whizz is an alarm now? Whatever happened to just having to pee?
Next person that says Indian Alarm Clock to me is getting hung up on.
Comment by Steve on October 6, 2008
You know, I’m with Steve on this one. An Indian Alarm Clock?? WTF!?!? Let’s think about the time period when the Indians thrived off the land. When it got dark, they went to bed because there was no electricity or Nintendo Wii to keep them up til 3am. And, because they went to bed early, the got up early. It really isn’t rocket science. Darkness and light activate our body’s natural circadian rhythm which makes us tired at night and helps us wake in the morning…no water necessary. What a bunch of dumbasses.
Comment by Jackie on October 6, 2008
racial prejudice aside, it’s actually a pretty simple and clever way of forcing yourself to get up earlier than you would naturally.
circadian rhythm aside (along the guy who thinks Indians went to bed whenever the sun went down – are you for real??) I can imagine at least one person in a tribe of any people actually doing this in order to wake up earlier than usual, for say maybe a pre-dawn attack on a rival tribe. discounting the fact that native Americans (or any pre-alarm clock) person might actually have a reason to get up earlier than usual is kind of the dumb misunderestimation here. what else would you do if you had no clock and to wake up in 4 hours? Wish really hard? please.
speaking of which, don’t think native Americans were all peace loving hippies in tune with mother nature, tribal warfare was common even before evil whitey poked his nose into things.
Comment by Dub on October 21, 2011