Jim Jamesson

Here’s what I think Kenny Rogers intended this song to say, the night he wrote it in some skank ass motel with some homegirl hooker. Damn, Kenny Rogers rules all of the world and he even kicks so much more’r ass that he’ll probably be ruling the moon too before it’s all said and done and shit.

If you’re not on the same page here, you must be one of ~~those~~ people… so ok its like this. You know how when it thunders thats like God farting, and when it rains thats him crying because Bozo’s Commode (or whatever the devils name is) beat him at a game of strip poker which caused a chain reaction of events leading to climate change i.e. God’s Tears.

So remember the other day when NASA built some spectacular rocket ships that cost like 74 trillion dollars (or 43% of our national debt) and crashed them into the moon. Well, when those fuckers crashed that shit into the moon, it left behind these big ass dust plumes which all the telescope junkies probably got to see, which must have been rad as hell. But if you liken rain to God’s Tears then you can liken the dust plumes on the moon to all the bitches whom have fallen to the likes of Kenny Rogers mastery of awesomeness.

That’s how fucking cool he is.

This is how this song was intended to be sung.

Show me a bar with a good lookin’ woman then just get out of my way
Turn on the jukebox, i’ll show you a song you should play
Sooner or later, a few shots of bourbon,
I’ll think of somethin’ to say
whoaaaaahh!
I can take her or leave her
But I like to take her away

Liquor and music, a good combination
If you’ve got love on the brain
I never knew two women who acted the same
Some want a drink first and some want to just sit and talk
Whoa, oh, it’s two in the morning, and she started suckin’ my cock

Somethin’s got a hold on me
My balls ain’t swingin’ free
Love or somethin’ like it’s got a hold on me

That’s when I blast her,
All over her face,
Sorry it got in your eye
I asked the wrong thing,
With just the right woman this time
She knew a hotel
She even had a name we could sign
Whoa, ohh, she played with my grapes some
And then she just sucked on my vine

Somethin’s got a hold on me
My balls ain’t swingin’ free
Love or somethin’ like it’s got a hold on me

Somethin’s got a hold on me
It’s scratchy and it bleeds
The Clap or somethin’ like it’s got a hold on me
Love or somethin’ god damn like it’s got a hold on me