Jim Jamesson

How is it that a fast food chain such as Arby’s run out of curly fries? Is the gas crunch causing shortages with shipments from Idaho?  In Asheville NC, they told us that “the gas doesn’t flow uphill, and therefore has to be trucked in.”  I guess that potatoes don’t roll uphill? It’s just a tragedy that a fast food restaurant could run out of french fries!

Although the drive thru lady was really nice about it, I was really looking forward to some Arby’s curly fries. In fact, I wanted curly fries so freaking bad that I drove 3 miles beyond Burger King, McD’s and Taco Bell JUST to get Arby’s curly fried goodness. But noooooooo, I had to settle with Mozzarella Sticks and Jalapeno Bites dipped in that berry blaster sauce or whatever the hell it’s called. They aren’t so bad, but they are no curly fry caliper material.

While normally I would be upset about something like this for weeks on end, I actually take a bit of comfort knowing that this particular Arbys establishment has been nothing short of impeccable. Service is generally incredibly fast, and food orders always 100% accurate. As testimony to how good this place is, I once asked for a “shitload of Horsey Sauce” and the drive thru chick actually went and filled up an entire BAG full of Horsey! Hell yeah!

So, I think we’ll let Arby’s off the hook with this one. Next time it happens though, all hell shall break loose.

Well first off it’s because there’s no way in hell I’m going as far as saying that Arby’s is head and shoulders above the rest. Even that really is only what, 5 feet or so? What a stupid saying. Anyways…

A couple weeks ago I went to Arby’s. Why? Because I had a few extra bucks and wanted to spend more on the same shit, and, because I finally left the house early enough for them to still be open. Sometimes you just need a change of pace from 14-15 Burger King’s a week.

So I get to the window. I can tell the girl thinks I am a bad ass and wants my body. She is way too young for my old ass, but I will be kind to her nonetheless. She asks me if I want any Arbys or Horsey. Now, I don’t know about you people but in this household, we love us the fuck outta some Horsey sauce.  So I ask my crush, “Crush, could I have like, a SHIT LOAD of Horsey?” And I am very careful to animate with my hands, just how much Horsey sauce I’m talkin’ about. Fuck some one or two packets, that kind of quantity is for daywalking gingers.

I see the urgency in her eyes. She was given a task and by god she’s gonna complete it with flying gay flag colors. Next thing I know, homegirl hands me a bag of sauce, that was actually BIGGER than the initial bag containing 2 combos!  Now THAT is what I’m talking about. I grabbed that shit and peeled outta that drive thru like Jeff Jr or whatever the hell NASCAR aye hole.

Bottom line is if you ever need you some Horsey sauce, even though we got stockades of it here, well you should still go to Arbys because we don’t really feel like sharing.