Jim Jamesson

During the course of my average day, I talk to numerous different folks; friends, clients, colleagues, and family. At least, I don’t know maybe 25 times a day, I get various instant messages, emails and text messages regarding how shitty ones particular job is.

Being the nice guy that I am, I thought it would be kind of me to ease your souls and tell you a bit about some of the horrible rules that govern our office.

DRESS CODES

We have a very strict dress code. Although it’s not written in stone, generally at the very least we try to wear underwear. Not that we have issues against each others packages, but if a client does swing by, you know we try to keep it professional.

DRINKING

While drinking on the job is encouraged in our office, it’s not necessary. Although some of the best web work is done with Bud Light and Barbarossa, we don’t require it.

BROWSING THE INTERNET

We have very strict rules when it comes to casual internet browsing. ANY Youtube that is funny, MUST BE SHARED. This is the law. Youtubes that are especially funny must be repeated at least 100-150 times each day, for no less than one week straight. Special Youtubes that are instant classics (see Funtown Auto, Crocodile Dundee theme) must be repeated throughout the day-no exceptions.

GOING HOME EARLY

Well, since we don’t have a time to show up in the first place, it’s inherently impossible to then set a departure time.

CALLING IN SICK

We always accommodate and show sympathy toward each others ailments. Since we all hang out before, during, and after work anyways, if one of us is sick, the others are sick. Therefore our policy on sick days is, if one calls in sick, everyone must call in sick.

SENSITIVE DATA

Haha.

FRIDAYS

We don’t work Fridays. Friday is Apollo day and dick off day.

Well there you go folks. I truly hope this article finds you well at your place of employment. Just remember, the next time that bitch in billing gives you hell or your chode boss gives you static, just think about how grim our working conditions are. We feel your pain (we just don’t share it).