Jim Jamesson

This dude took a bunch of pictures of his fast food and compared them to the advertised images. He says nothing was edited, squashed or otherwise fucked up. These shots look pretty accurate compared to what I’m used to seeing:

Fast Food: Ads vs. Reality

Although to be honest both versions look pretty damn tempting to me. Think I’ll head to Burger King right now.

This is the extent of my criminal activity on this planet. Tonight was my very own personal oceans 15 and shit. So, we all know that a large unsweet tea at Burger King costs 99 cents. Tonight, I asked for “a whole bunch of Splenda” and was handed 28 packets by the nice lady.

I thought hell yes, and stomped the gas pedal.

So, after thoroughly enjoying my Burger King, I immediately began researching. A quick search for Splenda packets led me to a website selling 100 packet Splenda for $10.42, as depicted in this screen grab. The red arrows should highlight precisely where the price is located:

The above red arrows depict this price I found on a simple Google search for Splenda packets.

So, –ok like, 5 hours has gone by since above so I’m not sure where I was going with this. Well, lets just run the math to see how much one packet of Splenda costs in the real world:

$10.42 / (divided by) 100 packets = $.1042 per packet.

Now, that rounds down to ten cents each, a really solid, good happy damn round number. Now, with that math in mind, we can compute how much value in Splenda I received tonight:

$.10 per packet X (multiplied by) 28 packets = $2.80.

Wow. That’s damn near three times more than the value of the drink. That is fucking mafia quality highway robbery right there. Yeah I am bad.

Steve suggested that we take this a bit further though, and that these findings are really lame and infantile, and I am more of a loser now than ever before. So he says that if I want to be cool, I  would keep a running tab on my surplus/deficit of Splenda, and run a study of the value over a long time period. Now this, this fucking sounds cool.

This is going to require some planning. I will need to come up with a way to solidly monitor my stock levels of Splenda. While we’re on it, we should probably add other sauces too, and see how much dough we can really save. This will probably require a brand new post and maybe it’s own page. Hmmm. Let the Fast Food Olympic Games begin.

Oh, if you are a fast food exec, please, this is all staged. If you are real, then use your judgment based on my concrete factual evidence. Hell yeah that’ll cover my ass.

Well first off it’s because there’s no way in hell I’m going as far as saying that Arby’s is head and shoulders above the rest. Even that really is only what, 5 feet or so? What a stupid saying. Anyways…

A couple weeks ago I went to Arby’s. Why? Because I had a few extra bucks and wanted to spend more on the same shit, and, because I finally left the house early enough for them to still be open. Sometimes you just need a change of pace from 14-15 Burger King’s a week.

So I get to the window. I can tell the girl thinks I am a bad ass and wants my body. She is way too young for my old ass, but I will be kind to her nonetheless. She asks me if I want any Arbys or Horsey. Now, I don’t know about you people but in this household, we love us the fuck outta some Horsey sauce.  So I ask my crush, “Crush, could I have like, a SHIT LOAD of Horsey?” And I am very careful to animate with my hands, just how much Horsey sauce I’m talkin’ about. Fuck some one or two packets, that kind of quantity is for daywalking gingers.

I see the urgency in her eyes. She was given a task and by god she’s gonna complete it with flying gay flag colors. Next thing I know, homegirl hands me a bag of sauce, that was actually BIGGER than the initial bag containing 2 combos!  Now THAT is what I’m talking about. I grabbed that shit and peeled outta that drive thru like Jeff Jr or whatever the hell NASCAR aye hole.

Bottom line is if you ever need you some Horsey sauce, even though we got stockades of it here, well you should still go to Arbys because we don’t really feel like sharing.

This was last year I believe. My brother’s buddy came by to pick him up one night, and off they went. No big. 15 minutes later, I get an insane frantic phone call from my brother…

“Holy shit, RJ and I just went to go to [a local fast food restaurant name brand chain] right, and like, we get there and you know the guy answers the speaker and he is like [in a burly voice] ‘can I help you bla bla bla….’. So like, we order and shit, and pull to the window, but its a, I think a lady. But like, when she talks its like the same deep ass voice! And like, she had a goatee and the the whole deal man…”

And he proceeded to tell me how shocked they were and we laughed at length about the situation.

So, the chemicals-that-be in my brain got cookin’, and I instantly had two distinct thoughts. One. You are now hungry, and [previously mentioned fast food chain] sounds damn good right about now. Two. I actually felt jealous and sad that I wasn’t able to experience this same experience. If only I could recreate this. So off I go. Now you have to understand that along the way was like 20 minutes of road construction, and like 3 different tards cutting me off and whatnot. So by the time I get to fast food destination, I was just glad to be there. And when you have A.D.D. as bad as me, well, you just forgot all about the burly voice thing.

So now I’m in the drive thru. Homeboy takes my order and what not and off I roll up to the window. Ho. Lee. Shit. It’s the dude. And she’s got a goatee. And his arms are harrier than me. And then it hit me like a shit ton of bricks.

I actually was given the chance to relive, the very two things, that only moments (well, moments+20 minutes) ago, I had dreamed about.

Whew, man. I just got goose bumps.

I have been on the fence about this. I mean, technically it’s not fast food because Papa Johns takes about 35-38 minutes on average from the time I press submit until the time my doorbell is pressed. So technically no, but…

The food is equally as deliciously shitty as fast food.  My brother and I live together, and we don’t cook anymore. It’s either the Big Mic, Taco, Burger, or Papa. Sometimes Pizza Hut, but generally the people that work there right now we think are shady sonsabitches. What do I know though.